i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize