She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
