yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
