I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
