who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
