so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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