I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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