How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
