i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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