I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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