is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
