I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
