Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
