Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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