There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
