peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
