i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
