So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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