It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
