I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize