i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
