Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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