1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
