is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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