We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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