I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
