i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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