No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize