So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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