Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
