I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
