Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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