Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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