i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
