Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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