I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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