Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
