it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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