It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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