I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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