I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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