he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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