Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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