My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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