shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
