ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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