i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
