i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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