I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
