my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
