Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You need a sexual gate keeper
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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