By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
