this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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