On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's Friday. Sex?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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