Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
