I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
