i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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