wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
