You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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