He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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