yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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