glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
