I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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