real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
