Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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