I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My feet surprised me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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