I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
