...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
