Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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