yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
