She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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