loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
