my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
