she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
