yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
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Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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