I'm going to jail i love you
farters have to be the big spoon...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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